Life

I threw this together.. Nothing special.. Just some blogging :) to get the juices flowing.

Daily life is chaotic.
Its hypocritical.
Wanting and Hating.
Everyone wanting
things they cant have
wishing.
Wishing for something more.
Perhaps a rain shower in the drought
a snow fall in the month of may
the impossible.
we seek it.
search and wish for it
A field of sunflowers on a sunny May afternoon never cross our minds
we dont wish to see it
for it is present
overlooked
yet, its beauty is remarkable
Stop.
Stop wishing.
Stop wanting.
Stop seeking.
Look.
Open your eyes to the beauty we have
love, family, flowers, and friends
seek the possible
Our creator would want us to feast on this
breathe.
endure.
Its possible.

I challenge you to take a moment and enjoy the life you have! Stop worrying about where you were or where you are headed. Just stop. Celebrate you at this moment in time. Or your life will be spent wishing and wanting instead of living.

Trust

Love. It has ups and downs.. The scary part is you never know what to expect. Even in the world's greatest love story there is a twist. A conflict. A change in emotion. I find myself fearing the conflict. Some may say it is insecurity.. I say its experience. In my life I have been through relationship issues that have made me fear things. The experiences I have been through have caused anxiety in relationships to follow. It isnt fair to blame new loves for things the old loves are guilty of.. But saying it and following through with it are two completely different things. I know it is wrong, yet I do it. I try to catch my new boyfriend doing things I know my ex would have attempted. The new boyfriend would never do anything to jepordize our relationship. However, the fear is still present. I guess in life we learn and we remember. We learn that people we love have the opportunity to hurt us. Big Time. They have a chance to break our hearts or protect it. Sometimes they chose to hurt it. They break hearts for many different reasons I suppose... No matter the reason. It hurts all the same. We remember. We remember how it happen and try to prevent it from ever happening again. We also remember how it felt. We remember the tears, pain, and sleepless nights. Its those memories that give us the fear whenever someone new comes along. The fact of the matter is that we are all human and we all do this. It doesnt make you crazy. However, we must take a risk. We must ignore that anxiety and trust. You must never let fear keep you from experiencing something as great as love. If you let fear take flight you could lose someone very special. Sometimes its ok to go against your gut feeling..

An Update :)

Hey guys! I know its been a long time since I've wrote. I have been very busy since the summer. Remember back when I wrote about the guy I met? And he was the inspiration to my last post.. Well anyways. He is still in Louisiana for school but he will be done December 11!!!We are almost there! It hasn't been easy but we are great. Its funny how sometimes in life we think we will never love again. We think that mending our broken hearts is impossible. We think we will never fill the emptiness that we have. Maybe you have felt this way before, or maybe you do now. But one day you meet someone and your whole world turns around. You'll be thankful for all the times it never worked out before. You will meet someone who tells you everyday how special you are. Whenever I found out he was moving two states away from me I was so scared. Scared that he would forget me or we would grow apart. But real love can overcome any obstacle. He will be home soon and I couldn't be happier. This distance has made us closer than ever. Whenever we see each other we have so much fun and we never take it for granted. I am so blessed to have someone like him in my life. Never give up on finding exactly what you deserve. So much has changed since I graduated and I am so excited to see what my future holds. I am also excited to see what the future holds for all of you, my talented friends :)

The Glow

The wind softly catches my hair
sun blazes through my tinted sunglasses
my skin absorbing its beauty.
The water around me glistens softly
as if painting a picture with its cool contrasts
At that moment,
I feel more than the wind
than the sun
I feel a look.
A glance from behind me
the feeling quickly overwhelms me
the feeling more beautiful than the waves or rays
The look takes me back
to the first time i looked
the first time i really saw
felt
the first time i realized how much i loved that look
the first time i felt loved
I glance over my shoulders to see the owner of the gazers
owner of the glance
one responsible for the feeling that is consuming my thoughts
I see him
his brought browns
looking at me
sending me that smile
that one look is all I need
I turn back around
and for once I show the sun how I can glow.
Making it jealous

Distance

Seems like in my life I fall too quickly or too hard. Sometimes when we fall its the best thing you could imagine. Just knowing that your falling and someone else is ready to catch you can be the best feeling in the world. Especially when you never thought you would feel that again, ever. You knew you would always find someone to be content with but never thought you would find that can't sit still, can't sleep, anxiously waiting feeling. The feeling when you are driving to see them and you feel like you cant get there fast enough! You speed not caring that the cop is passing you. You take the risk. Jump at chance of seeing them as soon as possible.
I personally never thought I would feel this again. After what I experienced almost 6 months ago. I built a wall so tall that even the people I knew deserved to be in were locked out. I wasn't happy. The smallest things would make me so angry. For instance, the car that pulled out in my lane or the way my mother wakes me up at seven in the morning to take the dog out. But since I met this new person. I wake up at seven to take the dog out without being asked. Sometimes I even say good morning to my mom or talk to the baby while he watches cartoons. I laugh at the crazy old lady that pulled out in front of my car. I can even laugh at the people that let that poor old lady ruin there whole work day. Whats even better about finally feeling this again is knowing that he feels the same way.
The only catch is that he lives an hour away. I've made my share of trips up there to see him but it isn't easy to find the gas money or the time. He leaves July 10 for Louisiana to live for school. Then our distance is going to be further. We know we shouldn't end things just because of distance. It just gets so frustrating, but i can't give up on a good thing. I'm not ready to let go of this happiness.

Cold in the rain fall...

Rain
Drizzling down my face
Motionless
I wait
Trees limbs blowing
wind forcing them
i stand
look up to heaven
seeking an answer
an end
halt to the pain
tears
i waited i stood
for two long years
two years i was there
just waiting
on the time
time where you would want me again
craving the look that meant you needed me
longing those words
now months later
after the endings i still wait
unsure of what the seasons may bring
right now only rain
rain that melts my face
clings quietly to my tears
shading them from onlookers eyes
this rain falls without end
the winds tremble my frozen body
as i look to heaven
prayers fill my thoughts
questions exploding my brain
beats pounding my heart
Please Lord, bring out the sun
dry this rain
dry up all the pain.

Pisces

Pisces is kind to the man with no home,
a friend to the one who betrays,
the inspiration to the woman that lost hope,
at times impatient
all alone
enjoys the quiet
she clings tight to the walls that surround her heart
while wishing for tumbling bricks to free her
forgiveness is a virtue in her life
though never to forget
the past is the key to who she is
relationships molded her life
she is the result of broken marriage
often contemplating youthful fears
through it all Pisces finds a few
a few to trust
a few to love
once loved by Pisces it is forever
pain cannot steal the feeling
trust is the issue
the inner struggle
these walls as high as any prison gate
the guards more stern and bold
quick to run
the sight of fear
moves her feet
she searches daily for that face
face of a familiar friend
at once the guards take break
confidence shines
inside her head
a story is written
a story of her life
unfinished
unpublished
unheard to an outside voice